in constant pursuit

i watched THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS recently....

one comment.... Wish had seen it earlier !!.... BRILLIANT!

hibernating in peace

i have been in a sense of hibernation for the past couple of weeks, and its been bliss, absolute BLISS! i know when i get out of it, i'll be subject to the worse cruel treatment possible to anyone, but heck i dont care! i remembered what "peace of mind" meant, what being happy is and basically who and what i want in and with my life!!

When i join back, life will change, irrespective of the exam results, which look to be positive definitely, but all said and done im "happy, positive and raring to go" after ages.... hope this mindset continues! :)

ta ta tagged!

its 2:30 am... am obviously awake because am supposed to be "studying" :P and i realise i have been tagged, again!! (GLEE!! :) so leaving aside all the inane theories some idiots generated about unfair competiton wrt Patents and TRIPS, i sit here to answer it (my apologies to Rachana and Alice for not answering theirs yet... Ajan is an idiot of the highest order, u see, so he wont let me be in peace, if i dont answer this, also yours require some time, this seems easy! )

so here goes the TAG....

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Following are the rules for the tag.1. No altering any question.2. No passing of question allowed. That means all the questions are to be answered.3. Pass on the tag to atleast 3 people with the same rules. Drop a comment in their latest post to let them know that they are tagged.4. DO THE TAG!!If the rules are not followed, bad luck will gherao your blog for 10 years and no one will comment on it for 10 years. This is true.Finally coming to the tag. I give you random - human traits, situations, values, virtues, vices etc. You have to say how far or how closely you are associated with them In case you haven't understood, I'm doing my own tag... so read it and follow my footsteps. ;). It's gonna be long, but nevertheless, do it.

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1. Laughter - LOL... it comes as easy to me as breathing! Ya, i find the most inane and sad things funny! I laugh during horror movies, i laugh when i remember something, i laugh sometimes for no reason at all (infact DD and i just need to glance at one another to get into laughathon!!... such that people around us think we are 'high'!)... and that time when Shans and me went into laughter overdrive in the rickshaw, almost getting us killed (out of laughter!)

ok, my quirk... i even laugh when am tensed... like, really really life-death tense! its some sort of a defence mechanism, i guess, but what the heck, it gets me stares all the time (do i look like i care?)

2. Embarrassment : From being the most self conscious one on this nplanet, to having no inhibitions of landing myself into embarassing situations, i have definately come a long way! and most of these have come in the presence of the HOLY SAA :P ... LOL! Right from talking to someone for ten minutes and promising to call them next day, all the while trying to remember that person's name to realising mid way through a performance that the mike is not working... been through quite a lot of these... FUN times!!

3. Truth: They say truth can be spotted in the eyes... no wonder i wear specs! For me, truth is completely relative! Choose the one that suits you.... hehehe, studying law teaches you something i guess!!

4. Lies: I could really convince you, it snowed in Mumbai... white lies are my forte, dark lies - part of my job! Being good at lying comes naturally to me (WHOOPS!)

5. Loneliness: The bane of modern relations, eh!! Well, as a single kid and all that blah, realised the difference between being lonely and alone, quite early in life! Have come to terms with that being alone need not mean being lonely, and yeah, thats nice! DO feel lonely at times (no superhuman here!), but thats just a part of being me... i really dont mind it! Makes me realise and think about what all i need to do yet!

6. Pride: Hey, am damn good at my work, and am proud of it! Am a good person, and am proud of it! We are always told never to be proud of ourselves, but sometimes, we all need to acknowledge that we have something good in us, that keeps us sane and in the race, nothing wrong in that! although, too much is pathetically narcisst!!

7. Forgiveness: Comes naturally to me!! I dont have to make an attempt to forgive, the moment i let go, i forgive, and it stops affecting me! People think it makes me weak, but it actually gives me a peace of mind, a lot of others can only dream about! revenge has never been the motivator for me, but yes, i dont forget events, simply so that i dont repeat mistakes! So people who may have hurt me may still be around in my life, but things would definately not be that naive anymore!

8. Hypocrite: ok, here is the truth! When it comes to issues and policies, i am very firm and i do what i say and intend to! but when it comes to people, boy, am i a happy hypocrite!!...lol Friends can really get away with murder, strangers are subject to thorough scrutiny! :P what is OK for people important to me, is a NO NO with people i remotely know or dont at all! I am a hypocrite, so are most of them i know!! :P

i tag.... anyone who can bother to be as truthful as me (the 3 am effect shows!)... seriously, no names, its 3, and i can barely remember my full name now, to sit and tag people... so good luck till then!

Do comment! :P

Meredith says....

"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. Here's what I know. If you're willing to throw caution to the wind and take a chance, the view from the other side... is spectacular."

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"I've heard that it’s possible to grow up, I've just never met anyone who’s actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don’t go our way. We whisper secrets with our best friend, in the dark. We look for comfort where we can find it. And we hope against all logic, against all experience, like children, we never giveup hope."

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"After careful consideration and many sleepless nights, here’s what I've decided. There's no such thing as a grown-up. We move out, we move away from our families. But the basic insecurities, the fears and all the old wounds just grow up with us. Just when you think life has forced you to truly become an adult, your mother says something like that. We get bigger, taller, older. But, for the most part, we're still a bunch of kids, running around the playground, trying desperately to fit in."

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"No matter how hard we try to ignore or deny it, eventually the lies fall away, like it or not. But here's the truth about the truth. It hurts. So we lie."

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“Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass.And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim.The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon.We can only lie to ourselves for so long.We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth.Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing."De Nile"(denial).It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?”

Quotes by from Grey's Anatomy', currently my favorite series on television

its transitional....

Sometimes life gives u funny incidents to quote, beautiful memories to cherish and wonderful people to share it with, and then suddenly, it stops! The incidents dry up, memories turn sour and people start disappearing….

But not for long, new people turn up, new incidents take place, new memories are built and old incidents and people, who once were a ‘part’ of your life, now come under the heading of ‘experiences’ !!

Such is life… it simply goes on! :) :)

What was it again ?!!

There has been a lot of talk on this for too long now, and though most have had their say, I am still unconvinced with their versions on it! I have friends for whom it’s a living reality, so to speak… a few others, who rant a lot about it, especially on their blog and stuff… and going by the number of weddings I have been attending, I presume ‘Love’ is well, everywhere right now!

Yeah, I am writing about it… and before anyone with their over fertile imagination begins, let me say, this is not based on any personal experience or stuff, and neither am I in love or planning to get married or anywhere remotely close! So, disclaimers done, here are my views on this pretty vague topic!

I have always found talks on love rather bemusing! For I believe people most often do confuse ‘love’ as an emotion with ‘relations’ that it gets into existence! Yes, these are, according to me, two rather distinct and separate things. Love in itself, is an emotion, and a very positive one at that, that touches people at different times in their lives towards different people. It is not that complex, if you see it all by itself. Love is not about holding hands or spending time together. The funny part of emotions is that, inspite of being universal, it still is very individualistic for each person, in himself, and the same holds true for love. It leaves a mark on each of us, in its own distinct way. Its something that stays with you, even when the person may not be around. Its something, which once it touches you, changes you forever, in one way or another. Love just needs to be felt, and acknowledging its existence within you, is enough to make you feel good about yourself and things around you! It’s a bond between those involved that surpasses time and space. Love doesn’t fear saturation; it just evolves, in its own terms, in its own varied forms and shapes. It doesn’t demand anything anything, even love in return. Just as you wouldn’t expect jealousy from a person you are jealous of, love doesn’t expect love from its object of affection, which is why it’s the emotion of giving. Its about being aware of the fact that we are capable of giving and sharing so much of ourselves as individuals without expecting much in return. Its not about worrying, if this would last, but its about knowing, that this will!

Relations, on the other hand, are a different ball game altogether. It is very funny, if you notice, how God’s simple emotion can be turned into a complex structure by man’s creation of relations. I am not against relations, mind you, but its sure stupid, when people equate the nature of the relations with the proportion of love. Love doesn’t need a relation to sustain it. It stays with a person, till the person is capable of emoting, in a way or another. Relationships, on the other hand, require love at their core to keep them going. While love is an emotion by itself, relationship is a commitment, an intention between the parties involved, to shape the bond or love shared between them into something distinct and unique. Relations more often than not, are based on our ‘need’ to be loved, more than our love towards the other person. And it is precisely this need that raises expectations and complicates things between two people, who may actually and truly love each other. More often than not, we hurt people we love the most, because, we expect the most from them. This is not saying that the love ceases to exist, it is just when the normal and human instincts getting better of us, than the emotion. The love still stays, just in a rather dormant form within! Like I said, we humans just love complicating things, and most often than not, we do!

Figuring out if something is love or not, well is a different question all by itself, and although I cant say much on that, I can just ask you to NOT rely on movies or books for any direction in this regard. Life doesn’t give you background music, or stormy indications like lightening or flashes and stuff, but it does give you something, a movie might never…. A smile on your face and a song in your heart!

With all this crap, I end my lecture on the MOST over rated topic of the century!

Note: This author is partly delusional and would not always want to be associated with this post. So beware!

hmm...

the phone rings, listen to the ringtone run its course, i dont pick it up.
receive an e-mail, check the subject, i dont read ahead.
some sentimental offlines, i dont reply.
tell people to call me, and then realise got nothing to speak.
to avoid the confusion, get my ears glued to the music on my cell phone, 24*7.
haven't picked up my law books in weeks.
avoiding meeting people other than the core group.
disliking movies that are actually pretty ok, otherwise.
cribbing, and then realising the folly of it all.
getting irritated with people for no reason at all.
giving the reason of being "too busy" for almost everything.
.
.
.
aah... the existential angst of an eternal escapist!
(need to start making amends for it all!)

Back to Blogging!

Been about two months, since I last blogged, or visited a blog page to read something! Been living out of a suitcase, literally, and though most of these travels were fun and memorable, could not get myself to write as much as a post about them! And since, I used to coerce others to blog, it was a surprise when Purnima’s blog update made me realize, how much of this activity I have missed! I mean, I even got tagged, and didn’t know about it!! K

Well, currently, I am in one of those times in life, which can be called as a ‘transition phase’. A very memorable and eventful phase of my life seems to be receding into the background, along with all the people and experiences, it gave me. The imminent phase is also making its presence felt, and it is only meaning new people, and new experiences! A personal observation, that holds true for me is, if you observe closely, u will always find Life with all of its elements at work… ALWAYS! With all its little detailing and effects they have on you, and the people around you, life is always playing its game, silently, making its presence felt. We are usually so engrossed in playing it right, or getting through life, we forget to live it, or worse colour its game with all our assumptions, presumptions and judgments, that what may seem as a “reality” to us, is nothing but a perception of our outlook to the way things should be rather than the way things actually are or the way, it is intended to be! Just like DD’s friend says… “Life is Free, Jeene ka!”(lol)… All we need to do is observe, and we can very well understand how things are happening, and many a times, with all its reasoning too!


I read a very beautiful book recently, titled “The Inner Courtyard” which contained short stories by Indian Women Writers. Although each of them was unique, inspiring in its own way, and completely moving, at this moment, a short story by one of the authors, who describes, how living each moment, and then letting go completely of that moment, without any apprehensions, can save one a lifetime of regrets, stands out, for the way its simplistic philosophy can actually work wonder in all our lives!

(This is a serious post, after a long long time… so anything OTT, kindly adjust maadi! :P)

Tagged again!

So i got tagged by my namesake... Rachana, who has this beautiful blog (must see, i say!) and i would really like to thank her, because it made me blog after such a long time, and also gave me something to blog about! :)
So, here it goes!!... ENJOY

What was I doing 10 years ago?

Let me see…. 10 years ago… I was 12! Don’t really remember much about it, but I guess I would have been in Std 7! One of the best years of my life… got re united with my best friend (sounds so kiddish no?), met some of the most amazing people and friends, I have ever come across in life (thanks guys for the amazing memories you have given me, both good and bad, knowing u was definitely a learning experience! :) ) and besides these… really cant remember what it was like, being me 10 years ago!!


What are top 5 things to do in my to-do list, today?

Wonder if this would make sense to you:

- leave work at 7! (that’s early for me, mind u!)
- call up Roshni
- not lose my temper with the newbies
- complete postal ballot procedures and BSE compliances
- BLOG

Snacks I enjoy

- Pani puri
- Sev Puri
- Dhokla
- Pav Bhaji
- VADA PAV!!

Places I have lived

- Mumbai
- Mumbai
- Mumbai
- Panvel (SECOND HOME… trust me, I know Panvel like a resident now!!)
- Panemanglore (almost a part of all summer vacations as a kid, I have been here)

5 things id do if I was a millionaire

- Donate
- Write
- Give it to folks
- Invest
- and mebbe, count whatever is left, if any!! :P

people I want to tag

- Mithun and Nitin … no posts in there yet…

Anyone else who is interested in answering can do so! :) :)

He and Me.... Forever!

I can assure you, it wasn’t love at first sight! Simply because I was way too small and don’t even remember when I first lay my sight on him. But it is love, alright! Mind you, I am not the first person to have fallen for him; he is way too good looking to go unnoticed for this long, and considering that his fan following cuts across all age barriers, insecurity is definitely an issue I am learning to handle! :)

Unlike other times, my first impression was that which left me frightened… yeah… I can be irrational at times! But slowly and surely, it changed. In spite of hearing a lot about his charm and exuberance, I was always sceptical to give him a chance to be a part of my life, to give in to his ways, of which I had heard a lot. Yet, his presence in my life and sequence of events cannot go unnoticed. He was always there, calm, quite, sometimes extremely turbulent, but always leaving an unmistakable impact on my mind, wooing me in his own unique way, sometimes serenading a beautiful rhythm, sometimes, astounding me with his extreme calmness (which can be really deceptive, mind you!)

It had been ages since I had seen him… and they say, ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’, turned out to be true in my case too! :) I was missing him a lot, and when I was told, that he would be there on my recent road trip to Malvan, I jumped at the opportunity to meet him, to see him, sans a second thought!... and when I finally did meet him, after so many years, I knew it was love forever! I still remember how he looked in the middle of the full moon night, amidst the flurry of activity by the fisher folk around him, he was there, silent, charming, singing his own song, welcoming me, with all his beauty, I felt like the most beautiful and spoilt female on earth! : D… that is until I lay my eyes on him, at 5:30 a.m. against the beautiful sunrise on the Konkan landscape! (Trust me, I had goose bumps!!)

And yet yesterday, with a very heavy heart, I had to bid him adieu! Leaving him behind was like leaving a part of me. Staying together was impossible, but I did promise to return to him, frequently, as much as possible, and I sure hope I do! (It isn’t a promise I want to break anytime forever!)

Here’s to my love, THE SEA !!

Tagged by T

I AM THINKING ABOUT : How the Notice for the Merger should be drafted…. (yea am at work… and this is THE thing that’s occupying all my thinking time, nowadays !!)

I SAID : Nothing… and that made it even more obvious!!

I WANT TO : Fight with someone… just to transfer my frustration on that person :P

I WISH : I could go back exactly one year… to the days of my crazy trip with Saa, down south… or even re-do the whole thing again!!!..... How I wish she was here!! :P

I WONDER : if I need to start going out more… and if I need a break from the people who are driving me crazy nowadays!!

I REGRET : having so many inhibitions, in my past!!

I HEAR : voices in my head… telling me, I am wasting time :P …. And Eric Clapton playing “Cocaine” :P
(also, can’t get this song… Chaliya Chaliya out of my head….. aahh!!)

I AM : at the moment…. Stressed and alone…. Othwerwise…. Plain crazy J

I DANCE : in solitude… and when I take up some stupid jive and salsa workshop :P

I SING : when in mood, keep humming my fav songs often…. Otherwise…. Its simply something to irritate DD J

I CRY : rarely… but when I do…. It starts with something stupid… and goes on for quite a while :P

I AM NOT : Happy with the way things are going at the moment…. (sorry for being too honest!)

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS : writing my CC Papers (27 of them!!)…. And I love to cook, and yea… do those stupid shadows of bird. Eagle, blah, blah!!

I WRITE : because I want to… because I can…. And because its therepeautic
I CONFUSE : people with their names and relations!! :P…. other than that…. No confusions!!

I NEED : music, whenever I am stressed! Food, whenever I am hungry, and people whenever I need to talk!

I TAG : Shantala and Ashwin…. DO THIS FOR UR BLOG GUYS!!

her fantastic love....

(This week's contribution to "Prompt and Link" - Fantasy)

She held him near... His presence was enough for her to be re-assured that all would be right again. That people would not be so rude and disgusted with her presence. She found herself drowning in sleep, in his arms. Afraid he would be hurt, she was about to let go of her embrace, when he smiled. A smile which she knew meant, that he wouldn’t let go of her, no matter what. The comfort of his arms made her even more comfortable. After all, it was a long and tiring day! First, she was made to speak about things and events, she knew were false, and then there were these people…. people who were trying to tell her, that her truth, the only thing she knew to be true, was actually false! She recollected how she felt angry from her guts, and how she had reacted by throwing the stick at them. And now she was, in the arms that meant heaven for her… the place where she found peace, in the arms of the only man, she had ever truly loved… she went to sleep!.......

.....................She opened the door to her mother’s room, to find her sleeping peacefully on the floor, with a worn out jacket, she immediately recognised. After the entire trauma, emotions and the action during the day, finding her mother at such peace, made her feel like a fool! It broke her heart thinking about her state, realising that no matter how much she wanted to let it prevail… she couldn’t allow her own mom to remain in this peace, in this fantasy world of hers, where the reality was obviously missing! She recognised the smile, mom had on her face at that moment, and she wished she could capture it! It was the same smile she would have, whenever she was with Dad… Dad…. The man, she, her mom and all had all lost two years ago!

been a while

(My contribution for this week's Prompt and Link on "Identity")

It’s been a while….

Been a while since I thought of thee,
Your presence, your face, your identity
The way you would have reacted
To each of my daily antics!

Been a while I thought of thee
The reason u left me and flee
The day you chose to keep me here
Was that too tough on you, mother?

Now I call this place my home,
A place where people like me come,
Though all think of me as one,
I know Ma, I am no orphan

You may have loved me, given me birth
But of people there may be a dearth,
Who understood your love for me,
Not letting me have your identity

The thought of you being near
Has always given me comfort, in fear
It sometimes feels so lonely, here
Wish you would take me, sooner than ever

Then I would have a family,
People who would help me see
Amid this whole wide world of theirs,
My own little identity!

Travesty....

(My contribution to this week's prompt and link)

Sitting quietly, I shed a tear
No one near to hold and care
The one I loved the most
Is the one for whom I fear….

She was small, innocent and dear
Her guilt was her prayer
Which they didn’t hear
When they killed her…over and over

That’s my princess there
I thought she was so pretty and rare
But now I sit next to her
Laid like a showpiece none could care

Result of someone’s lust
Her life and my dreams now lay in dust
Put to rest, she must
But should some one have done…..
Something so outrageous

Would she get the justice she deserved…?
Would I get back to my life unreserved...?
Would it ever be the same again…?
None to hold, none to care…
Just coz someone took a dare…
To do something outrageous

Summer and Spice

No… I did not just wake up from my slumber, to notice, how hot it’s been around here! It’s been summer for quite some time, yet I feel the mood of summer just now! And although a lot has been happening, and my brain’s been generating a lot of topics for me to post on, nothing seemed worthwhile enough.

So, here I go telling you in short, what all you would have read about, had I put each of my thought on this page…

Starting with the last week’s prompt for blogging was triumph and victory. Thought of composing a poem about a mother talking to her unborn… and realised poetry is no joke! After writing my thoughts in a prosaic fashion, getting back to rhyming words, is well, difficult! Heck, I couldn’t muster two lines that seemed to rhyme, forget a whole poem… lol!

Then, I met Shantala… and after knowing her for close to a year, our meet was more like two long lost friends meeting after ages! The way we connected, spoke and felt as comfortable as fast friends do, only asserted the fact, that there is no dearth of crazy people around me (sans attitude)… hee hee! Especially since we know each other because of an equally maniac individual who we like to call “Snake Charmer”!

Ohh… I got a new haircut done from one of the “pretty expensive” salons in the city… the ones’ which even give u itemised billing sorts and make you feel great! While the experience was strictly “OK” and the whole thing left me with a hole in my pocket… yet I enjoyed it! The cut’s looking good, and it sure suits the summer, but… how long would the cut last on my hair, is definitely something that will determine if there’s anything more to these parlours than just plain glamour! I am not being bald-faced here ;), but anyone who has seen me, knows that I have a mop on my head which is plain wild and untamed! Trust me… it’s all over the place and more often than not, outgrows a hairstyle before you could say ‘Nice Hairdo’!! And like I mostly say, the day I find a solution to my hair, is the day I attain moksha… No kidding!!

Oh yea… you must have noticed (unless you are blind ofcourse), I changed the template of my blog… and did it all by myself! Boy am I proud!! :D … Do leave in your comments on the same, and any suggestions to change any stuff, are welcome too :)

And the latest thing… which may find its way into the snippets… is my colleague DD’z fascination for this absolutely “idiotic and dirty” song from the movie ‘Race’…. Listen to the damn song… it’s so stupid, it just refuses to get out of my head! And now I’m stuck with singing “chika chika… ah hah ah hah” : (No you won’t get what I am talking about, unless you hear it… just click on the link… I kept it for a reason!!) Just imagine a colleague of yours trying his best to ace such a song, and that too with a very endearing honesty… as if he’s the next Indian Idol… you get the point?

And amidst all of this laughter and noble happenings… I leave you with a thought…
WHAT IF… in ‘Sholay’ (obviously the OLD one…heck no one saw the new one!!)… the following people played the characters…

Dharmendra was played by Himesh Bhai…. How would he say… Basanti in kutton ke saamne mat naachna??

And what if that Basanti was played by our very own Rakhi Sawant?? Would she dance, just to avenge her Nach baliye loss?? :P

How would it be, if Hangal was deaf instead of blind?? Would he then say… “itna andhera kyun hai, bhai??”

And… what if…. Just imagine… Gabbar was played by the great Keshto Mukherjee… you know the guy who laughed liked ‘eeh hee hyaaa eeh hee hyaaa’ (thx Poo for telling me the exact pronounciation)…. How would he go about talking to his people??


Ok!! I guess enough nonsense to make up for a whole missing week…. Take Care and Have fun! :D

Flight to life

(My contribution for this week's Prompt and Link : Flight)
She stood in a corner, and waved at the sky… the tears rolling in her eyes…

One week was all it took for her destiny to change or rather, for LIFE to happen!

They both had applied for the scholarship… he was unsure, she wasn’t! They had made promises, seen dreams, made plans. Plans... huh!! Seemed such a fake word for her now… just like her life at the moment. She had lost two of her most precious things over the past one week… and she knew she would never get them back.

They had met in a study group and with such common aspirations, desires and ambitions; it never surprised anyone that they got together! Two years of dreaming together, promises to be together, irrespective of what the future held for them…. Till the results were announced…

He had made it; she didn’t… it seemed wrong to cry, to be sad… I have to be strong, she assured herself, for him, for them… no matter it was THE reason for her existence… before she had met him, that is…. it wasn’t as if she couldn’t study here… they would still be together, she consoled… and then that meet… how could she forget that moment… Too distracting, did he say or was it too taxing??... Something about moving on and life and future... Never mind, she was way too numbed and lost in a daze to remember anything other than his face, which seemed so hostile, so different, and so unfamiliar! Please understand, he said, she nodded, unable to speak or do anything else… She would…

And today when she reached to bid him adieu, she realised something in her must have died, for she wasn’t there for him… she was there to see what she had missed… the other few around, whom she knew, appeared sad… for his departure, and for her loss… but she wasn’t… she had a purpose to be here… they didn’t!

As the others left and he checked in… she waited, for two long hours, she waited, standing by a corner window, watching the activities below, she waited…. And then it was announced… the flight was about to take off… the one which would have carried her to her dreams, her new life, the one in which they would have been together… the one….. She felt a tear down her cheek….

The flight took off… she couldn’t see him, but she could see… the sky, the clouds and the night, all before her eyes…. And she smiled… She stood in that corner, and waved at the sky… the tears still rolling in her eyes… she waved HIM good bye, she waved her UNFULFILLED DREAM good bye…. He was right… she would move on… he wasn’t worth it and neither was life! It was that flight, that would end that phase in her life and begin a new one… she laughed, to herself… for the fact that this flight would still mean a new life… a new chance… a new her!!

Ra'z 'fur'y....

... after an uncharacteristically rude conversation with a 'am-an-intern-at-an-MNC-so-i-show-attitude' female on the phone...

Dd: Whoa... you are angry !!!

Ra: (still dazed)... huh!!... yea.... you know something.... whats the similarity between these *jerks* and faux fur?!!!

Dd:... Ummn....No?!!

Ra:... no matter how hard they try....they'll still be wannabes!........Idiots!!!

(* not the actual far harsher word used!! :P )

Lost Highway

(This is my contribution for prompt and link for lost highway)



It was a cloudy day…..



“Want to go for a walk around??” I asked. “Sure… I guess”... he said “Hmm… yea then…”



We stepped outside… the breeze, the trees, the smell of wet mud, and the two of us, together, yet apart… walking….silence





“Where is this road headed??... Never been here before, I guess” he said, giving me a very confused look.



“Strange… living here for so long, and we thought, we knew every road ahead of us!” I smiled.



“Just like life, I guess….” he nodded



“Hmmm…” I nodded back



We both shared a sheepish grin…. Followed by a silence only we understood.



Suddenly, I turned towards him….



“What if we ever lost each other, on the road of life?” I asked



The recent fights and arguments flashed before my eyes… making me, immediately regret the question.



“I would find my way to you…. And walk with you” he reassured with a big smile on his face…. You?



“I wouldn’t lose you in the first place”…I whispered….clutching his hand in mine…. For the first time in days!

Ra'z baby talk

[Warning: The post is ideal if you happen to understand Konkani]

.... Oar's sardonic take at being labelled as a kid!

Ra: aaji babu kassane karta assa??
Oar: kaay naa... Nappy ghalnu nutta baislaa... aani kassan karche??


(roughly translated...~what is the kid doing, today? ~ nothing, just sitting here, wearing diapers, what else?)

FYI Oar happens to be a 26 year old "kid" !!!

Ra'z cold

in an e-mail exchange with Pi
Ra: am coughing my lungs out !!
Pi: Great!! If that happens you can appear on of those freak shows on tv
Ra: yea... check me out on saturday... and judge, if my appearance is worth any moolah......
will give u share of my profits for sure

On second thought.... too much coughing and lungs out... for just 10 mins on telly (probably flanked by equal desperate people)... not worth it!!

Ra'z death wish !

... and suddenly the talk veered to ...

Dd: what will be your speech on your death bed????
Ra: (Hands raised in air)... Where is my money?!!!!...
... what about u?
Dd: I don't know.. never died u know!
Ra: Yea i do it ALL the time, u see

Disturbingly Profound

You Are Disturbingly Profound

You're contemplative, thoughtful, and very intense. Taking time to figure out the meaning of life is a priority for you. Because you're so introspective, you often react in ways that surprise people. No one can really understand how you are on the inside... and that disturbs them.

Are You Disturbingly Profound or Profoundly Disturbing?

snob... me?!

The best part of the whole experience is that it happened right NOW!

Like every Saturday, I left my work place to visit my grandmother for lunch. As I left the office building, I saw a group of three extremely well dressed and stylish females walking a little ahead of me. As our group approached the main exit gate I noticed a Black Merc coming to a halt outside the gate. Assuming it to be there for the three ladies (Merc for me, yea rite! ) …. I quietly surpassed them, came out and got in to a stationary auto rickshaw.

The driver gave me a dazed look, turned back and started the vehicle, asking me for my destination. Then he quietly looked towards the entrance. I followed his gaze to see the three ladies pointing at me, and probably swearing me to death!!

… I had actually snubbed them without even realising it, by getting into a vehicle probably called by them!! Sheesh… it was like winning a lottery without even realising you had a ticket!... ok ok, may be I should stop being so mean and reading too much in to all this… but the whole theory of presumptions and assumptions based on appearance, in a reverse manner, actually had truly left me feeling funny!!


FYI: This is my 50th "published" post... so glee

Relationships....

As I sit to write this piece on relationships, it’s amazing to know the sort of inputs that my mind is giving me. Twenty two years of existence in a human society bonded by relations that create, define and even have the power to destroy you, makes me wonder, what is a relationship?

The easiest answer would be: to each his own. I agree that all of us have a perspective that is unique to our surroundings and our observations of the society. Yet at the end of the day, there surely has to be some common thread that binds each of our views…. Don’t we all love our parents? Wish to be married and want kids and a family; want a friend who is there in our times of need? The answer to this unique similarity that each of us share is the question that arises in my mind the most… what are relations?

For me, a relationship, between two individuals was always more about how they bonded, and shared, be as friends; relatives or even enemies (don’t enemies share a common hatred towards the other?) But as I experience more people and different relations, I understand that at the end of the day, for any individual, a relationship is not about two people, but about just one … me! It is precisely my actions, thoughts and attitude that determine the relation I would be sharing with the other person. If I choose to trust someone, forgive another, or simply possess a callous attitude towards the third, isn’t it the determining force of the nature of the relation I could be sharing with that person? Yes, my attitude and thoughts would be affected, as any other human beings, on the actions and supposed intention of the other person, not to mention the difference that two distinct backgrounds could make in any relation, but at the end of the day, isn’t the conscious awareness that accompanies our action deciding the status of our relation?

For a person like me, who has few close and truly cherished friends and relations in my personal life, (I don’t dislike the rest – am unable to hate someone; I just cannot find common ground with them) each relation I have shared with any human, in whatever capacity, be it a daughter, a sister, a friend, a colleague or even a plain well wisher, it has been a process of self discovery. Every time a conflict or a situation arises, and my immediate reaction, towards the other persons’ thoughts, actions or even the situation itself, has been an eye opener in understanding what sort of a person I am by nature. Quite a few times, I have surprised myself, not only with delight, but a few times, in shame. I may not be able to change a few of my inhibitions and innate qualities, but being aware of them has only made me realize, how much there is to improve in me as a person!

The reason I am writing this piece is partly known only by four people I am close to, while the other half, I am as yet figuring out! Yet I would really appreciate it, if any rather all of you, drop in a word telling me about your perspective on relations…. Would really love to hear your views!!

Rachana

Yahoo smileys on Orkut!

Well, for anyone, who is as jobless as my friend "A" and is into so called "innovation"... here is the link, for inserting Yahoo smileys on Orkut (and many other Google applications!)

http://siddzlingdude17.googlepages.com/yahooicons.html

Who ever is the creator of this idea.... thx a ton, dude!

I'll be there for you! :)

I do have a lot to write on the complex modern relationships, we have formed for our own selves. Yet when I ponder (and Google a bit too) quite a few people have written some beautiful gems, that actually touch a chord in your heart, so beautiful, you are rendered speechless (that’s exactly, what I am feeling now)

Here are a few that made me shut up !!

Man is a knot into which relationships are tied. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Flight to Arras, 1942, translated from French by Lewis Galantière

Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand. ~Emily Kimbrough

Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859 [THAT’S my fav !! ]

Assumptions are the termites of relationships. ~Henry Winkler

You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you. ~Frederick Buechner

Are we not like two volumes of one book? ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmore

Trouble is part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you enough chance to love you enough. ~Dinah Shore

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same. ~Flavia Weedn, Forever, © Flavia.com

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. ~Oprah Winfrey

Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you. ~Author UnknownPeople change and forget to tell each other. ~Lillian Hellman

Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky. ~Rainer Maria RilkeYou cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. ~Wayne W. Dyer

I WANT TO .....

Visit those beautiful memories from the past…

Make even better memories for my future…..

Remember what it was like to be incredibly happy....

To laugh my head out over something that is remotely funny

Cry uncontrollably over something trivial, and have someone console me….

Talk about the pettiness and the complexities of life… talk my heart out, with some one who listens...

Pack everything up and make a trip down to OZ….

Smell the wet mud in the first rain…. And get drenched in it !!

I want to take a ride with the wind running through my unruly hair….

Smile at strangers and make someone's day...

Give Life a chance to make me happy...

Believe in those fairy tales...

Sing before an audience, without a worry...

Scream my lungs out standing in the middle of the road...

Act crazy.... Be ME !

FEEL ALIVE !

Eight things not many people know about me

I got a tag, which i really had no mood to answer... and hence, i passed it on to Purnima, Tejaswini and Shantala... while two of them answered it beautifully, Shantala dared me to answer it first... (these MBA types, i tell you... are experts in blackmailing !!... hee hee)

But nevertheless... here i go, answering a tag I wish i could skip :P

First: I am really a moody person! My mood swings range from extreme joy and happiness (coupled with craziness) to gloomy and depressive times, where i may just refuse to get out of my shell! And i am yet to figure out how and when could i get a mood swing!... and when you add up my sensitveness with it... its one helluva deadly combination (that's where i get the "brat" tag from)

Second: My mind has a mind of its own... no kidding! i usually have three to four things going on in my mind almost at the same time... due to which having a conversation with me, on only one topic is almost an impossibility, at times.. (it changes when the topic discussed is food or something s;-))

Third:I have an opinion on everything! Yess i do... and i usually have an unnecessary urge to speak my mind, which usually does land me in a not so favorable position (if u may say so)... So wheteher there is a discussion on Himmesh or the Iraq war, I will have something to say... (whether i say it or not, is quite a different matter altogether!)

Fourth: I can't fake it i am a straight talker, and not many people appreciate it, but i am not sorry for it either! I could be diplomatic, when i know a person may be sensitive to my style of talking, or when s/he is a stranger, but otherwise.. i'd rather speak my mind and have you curse me for it, than butter you up, and claim to be a "good" person! (In short, i aint nice!!)

Fifth: I am unashamedly biased... about people, friends, where i come from, etc ! I believe we have certain leanings and likings, and i chose to accept it... though i do appreciate others views too, but i would always favour things and people i hold dear (sans question)... and this is pretty visible, when it comes to my friends... hee hee hee!

Sixth: Two of my basic traits include instinctive-ness and conviction!. I can do rather uncharacteristic things, in the spur of a moment, because i feel so.. like, i may end up trusting someone completely at the first meeting itself, truly out of my conviction (and this is clearly the case when it comes to friendships and relations).

Seventh: I can be quite a loner at times, and a craver for company, at other times. I am perfectly happy spending a day with myself, sorting out my life and thoughts, not stepping out of the house, even if its on fire! ... and sometimes, i have this stupid urge to be around people and experience the worldly ways, and not go home at all...lol. I can be lost in my thoughts for hours, and yet sometimes, it's really difficult to shut me up!!... i guess it stems from the moodiness in my nature!

Eighth: I can discuss and convey my opinions, my views and ideas very easily. But when it comes to expressing emotions... you can call me a bigtime loser... heheh!! Very few people know what and how i "feel" about certain things and people and even about themselves! I just can't get myself to be vulnerable enough to express my emotions before people... that's just so not me! Yet, everytime i sit to write (not blog) these things pour out by the dozen... probably my only way of self expression!

Ninth*: I doubt i would have liked myself, if i were a different person!!....... hee hee hee... so real kudos to all those who silently suffer the torture called as rachana... thanks ppl! :D

*Just for kicks... was fed up of such seriousness

things about people that really really (really!) irk me...

- Being extra - friendly for no apparent reason
- acting apologetic and nice at the drop of a hat !! (focus on "acting" bit)
- thinking that we "lesser mortals" are born to serve them (or atleast keep listening to their stories!!)
- people who constantly complain (give me a break ... maybe the problem is actually U !!)

AND MY PET PEEVE

- people who act stupid to get away from doing anything ... ( hint: check the work place !!)

Now u know why the call me an anti-social ! hee hee hee

Prequeal to "The Post"

Sometimes, we very well set the trap for ourselves... and on this occassion, i must admit... the folly was completely mine!!

During a casual conversation with a friend, on recent blog posts, we both enjoyed reading ... we ended up suggesting "topics" for the other person to write about !! While my suggestion was happily accepted, my friend's suggestion left me with a dilemma!

The topic i was handed out was, to blog on "the complexities of modern relationships". While my first reaction was "lovely!!" ... i soon realised wat a trap i had set for myself... writing a post on such an open ended topic, especially when most of the readers of this blog (who undoubtedly i know well, by virtue of beings friends with !!) have an ADD (anything more than 4 lines is followed by a yawn :) !!

Yet, i guess its worth an attempt... and since i am not completely sure how well it would be accepted.. I write this prequeal *warning* all of what might actualy follow!!

So long then!! (Have to learn to start thinking again ;) )

Wishes for the New Years

Firstly, a Very Happy and Prosperous New Year to ALL of you!! Nevermind that the first month of the year has already passed and all the new year hoopla has settled in! Yet, I want to wish all of you a very happy new year 2008!! :)

My wish may seem wierd, but this year did not exactly start on a great note (was a rather bad start, if i may say so!!). But things are just changing for the better and the future looks much brighter now, than it did on December 31, 2007, when i was wondering, if there was something to welcome for in the new year!! Little did i know, one month gone and i would already be on a life changing track! :)

The concept of new years has always bemused me. The festivities that mark the change in a digit of the year are always combined with starting the first day of the so-called-new-year with a hangover...LOL. Don't call me a cynic...yet! I enjoy the hype and hoopla, but what i don't understand is, why do we rejoice for a change in the date, when the actual reason for celebration should be a change in us or ur lives, in a positive way! I mean, just because we ushered in Jan 1, 2008 with a bang, does not mean it will be great for us all through, or if the new year's eve was disastrous enough to make us cringe, the whole year would be the same way too?....Would it?

For me the past year has been one of my BEST!... and for more reasons than one... be it the month long trip to Banglore, some amazing new friends and the experiences they got, the joy of getting somewhere in my career, enjoying the progress in my friends' lives and acquiring different skills in general... my growth satisfied me... and let me tell you, my last new year's eve was spent studying for an exam : :

Am looking forward to an exciting year ahead... and the chances of it getting exciting are pretty evident at the moment... Hope you have a great year ahead too! :)

And speaking of my friends... here's wishing Sakshi my heartiest congratulations and best wishes for her new assignment in Sydney... Hope to meet you there in June!! :D

My Best Wishes to both Neema and Roshni, who appear for the CET in a week's time.

My prayers with Riddhi .... who is nothing short of being a Union Leader in the waiting!! :D

My Best Wishes to my blogging friends: Ajan for his new job (which although related to somputers, has made him as distant from this world, as possible) ;

Purnima for her French Exam Results (may she keep learning those new french swear words...and passing them on!!) ;

Mithun for his ballet dancing assignments (Russian circus in Hyderabad, i last checked!!) ;

Shantala for WRITING something in her posts (she writes well...hehehe) and

Tejaswini (for finding a cell phone with Radio in it!!)....Keep Blogging guys, some exciting lives u lead!! :).... it's something i wish just gets better this year! :)

To rest all: Keep Smiling friends... have a great year ahead!!!

Cheers for now!

:) :) :) :)

Been quite a while since i blogged.... luckily, blogger is still as user friendly, at it used to be... and my blogging friends, do strike a chord with me!

and ALL that i needed to get me back into my blogging world...was reading updates of my friends' blogs!!.... and i realised i was missing out so much, that i could share and write on!!!... writing is not only something i absolutely enjoy, but also that provides me with a very enjoyable outlet to my thoughts and emotions!...

So, hope to hear more from me, soon!!... :) :)

Ciao for now

Cheers